missed conversations.

i struggle with being lonely.

there are just days, regardless of who is around me that I feel alone.

and really it's just the missed conversations.

i miss talking to my mom.

i miss sharing the good stuff with her.

i miss hashing out the bad.

i miss her advice.

i miss her frustrations.

i miss her excitement.

she would be excited.

we would have already hashed out all the hard questions.

she would have already found my heart in the mess of it all.

we would have moved on.

she would be calling me everyday---asking what's the next step.

she would have told all her friends---and shared their responses.

she would be giving advice.

she would have cared.

she always cared.

even if she didn't fully understand.

so today, i am lonely for all the missed conversations.

the ones that friends can't replace.

the ones that family don't care to have.

i don't know how heaven works.

but i do know this---

one day there will be no missed conversations.