Another year.

It's so true...

the days seem to never end, but the years fly by.

And here we are again...

another year.

I always like to recap.

I have been excited about this years recap.

But not really sure how to sum it all up.

First, well because it is just in me to be honest...

it was probably one of the most disappointing years of my life.

I think I can truly share with you that I have had few disappointments in my lifetime.

For that I am beyond grateful!

Disappointment is hard.

There is really just not much you can do with it.

Plead with it.

Fight it.

Accept it.

I could easily point the finger.

I did for a while.

Because I think that is what we---me---humans naturally do.

We come by that response honest because we are all sinners.

In that last sentence really lies all the answers.

We are all sinners.

We all screw up.

I think it all really boils down to my Counselor.

The last time I discussed my encounter with him it did not end so well.

But here goes.

I believe he took my mom.

I don't believe he just let cancer happen.

 He took her for specific reasons.

As long as she was here I did not need Him.

And I didn't.

She managed to always make things better.

A simple conversation...or many...

seemed to make all things hard, doable.

She was a rock.

But she wasn't supposed to be my rock.

God is bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live, my rescuing knight.  My God-the high crag where I run for dear life, hiding behind the boulders, safe in the granite hideout.
Psalm 18:2 the Message

The year after she died was not easy.

Not because I was grieving.

I wasn't.

I didn't have time to.

I spent countless hours with my sweet boy that year.

Hospitals, doctors, therapists.

I can't tell you how many times I heard the phrase

"learn to listen".

Because that is what he needed to do.

Little did I know I wasn't teaching him...He was teaching me.

I was the one not listening.

Then Pilate said to him, "So you are a king?"  Jesus answered, "You say that I am a king.  For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the world- to bear witness to the truth.  Everyone who is of the truth LISTENS to my voice."
John 10:37 ESV

I remember the day in my car when I clearly heard God's voice.

It will be forever engraved in my heart.

It took me 3 years.

I took your mom.

I gave you a little boy with deaf ears.

People {human beings} will fail you.
It took all of this to get you to see Me.

This year was the year of disappointment.

It was a year where I realized that all men fall.
I could share that it was the actions of one man.

Don't be naive and self-confident.  You're not exempt.  You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else.  Forget about self-confidence; it's useless.
Cultivate God-confidence.
I Corinthians 10:18 the Message

Or I could just tell you the truth...

it was me.

I was most disappointed in myself.

You see...

we might not understand why we go through the things we do,

but the truth is He knows what we need.

It might not seem merciful to some...

a dead mother...

a deaf kid...

disappointment to top it off...

But that is exactly what I would call it.
MERCY.
In the mess of the last 3 years...
God showed me my heart.
And then He told me He loved me anyway.

Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us.  He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ.  He did all this on His own, with no help from us!  Then he picked us up and set us down in the highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.
Ephesians 2:4-7 the Message

I am excited for the new year.
I could not even begin to tell you what God is doing in my heart.

They sang a song in church today...
it pretty much sums up what I wish for the new year!

Hosana in the Highest by Hillsong

{Heal my heart and make it clean.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like you have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks yours.
Everything I have for your kingdom's cause.
As I walk from earth into eternity.}

Hosana! Hosana! Hosana in the highest!

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas
and a HAPPY HAPPY New Year!