Monday, July 16, 2012

God willing.

    A few Sundays ago, I watched as our preacher exited the sanctuary.
I thought about his life and his ministry.
How his passion is telling others of the hope that can only be found in Christ.
Silently wishing that I was just a little more like him.
A life centered around God.

I don't live a Christ centered life.
This has been revealed to me over the last couple of years.
It has been magnified over the last few months.
I do my best to be "good".
My best usually falls way short.
I'm thankful that God sent his son.
That I am forgiven...regardless of how undeserving I am.

A very wise man spoke at our church this past Sunday.
A pastor by the name of Dr. Junior Hill.
He talked about juggling imposters.
He stated that we live in a generation that has no concept of feeling guilty before God--
we see nothing as sin.

Does this sound like our generation?

In the last days there will be many troubles, because people will love themselves, love money, brag, and be proud.  They will say evil things against others and will not obey their parents or be thankful or be the kind of people God wants.  They will not love others, will refuse to forgive, will gossip, and will not control themselves.  They will be cruel, will hate what is good, will turn against their friends, and will do foolish things without thinking.  They will be conceited, will love pleasure instead of God and will act as if they serve God but will not have His power.
2 Timothy 3:1-5

So here is why I am jotting all this down and sharing.
I am a juggling imposter.
I am guilty of:
loving myself;
loving money;
being prideful;
I say evil things against others/to others;
I refuse to be forgiving;
I gossip;
and in the last month I have lost complete, 100% control of myself.
I am cruel;
and I do foolish things without thinking.

Just recently I went into a situation as the "mother" of all imposters.
And when I left...
before I left the guilt weighed so heavily on my heart.
I am not sure what stopped me because to be honest I had lost complete control of myself.
But in the midst of the conversation I felt guilty before God.
My heart ached.
I apologized and left.
I woke up the next morning from sleep crying.
Our situation is sad...lots of hurt...lying...
but I wasn't crying over the situation.
I can not even explain to you how heavy the guilt.
Dr. Hill made another statement...
"jugglers deceive you with promised time."
Tomorrow.  Monday.  Next Month. The first of the year.
I have been deceiving myself in this way.
I will start on Monday...the first of the New Year.
This is how my mind works.
I like order.

While reading my devotion tonight it was like a light bulb.
Do it now Sara.
So friends, although it goes against my universe, here is how it will go down.
Each month I will be implementing 1-2 new life changing habits.
Habits leading to a life centered around Christ.
Since it is technically 12:06 am these habits will start TODAY!
Here is what I decided on this month.
A month that will begin Tuesday, July 17.

1.  Wake up 5 am every morning and spend an hour reading His word/praying.
2.  Be consistent in praying over myLoves!

Yes friends, I will be up tomorrow morning--technically today-- bright and early. 
God willing.
Would you like to join me?


  1. I love it. Nothing quite as frustrating/maddening and altogether awesome as realizing we are undeserving of the grace bestowed on us. I applaud your courage to make a change today. Promises of tomorrow are the work of the big mumbo. God desires to use each of us right now. I will be praying for you.

  2. Oh girl. I don't even know whay to say, except that the Lord is clearly and deeply working in your life, which is both a beautiful and hard place to be. I know you have your hands full, and at times a heavy cross to bear. I will be praying for you! And let's get dinner again soon!