Tuesday, March 27, 2012

...but you don't see what I see!

I was laying in bed trying to sleep and I kept thinking...
"but you don't see what I see!"
And I started getting angry.
We are being sent to another specialist.
It all makes sense, but still hard none the less.
CHARGE Syndrome.

As I lay there I hear it...
"But your lucky, he doesn't look like a CHARGE kid."
"You really are lucky Sara, he has such a mild case."

Friends and family offer encouragement...
"He'll be alright."
"He is doing awesome."
"He doesn't seem that far behind."
"I was not expecting him to be doing so well."

And in those moments I am encouraged.
Until I find myself alone with my thoughts and I get angry and think...
"but you don't see what I see!"

Me and Chris were at the gym this evening working out.
There was a dad working out his young son who I am sure has high hopes of being a world class athlete.  I grinned because he was such a cutie and so excited.
And then sadness crept in.
Wondering if one day I will watch K work out with his daddy in that same way that seemed so effortless.
As we ate dinner, I watched our little neighbor follow his daddy around with his toy lawn mower.
Again, effortless in his execution and I had a moment where I wished it were that easy.

Most just assume our biggest hurdle is the fact that K is deaf.
It's not and many days I wish that were all we had to deal with.
That in and of itself is enough for one little boy.
So as I lay there getting angry because of all these things...
I hear a whisper...
"but you don't see what I see."

It was a whisper that made me jump out of bed.
I grabbed my Bible and read the following...

John 9:3
Jesus answered,  "It is not this man's sins or his parents' sin that made him be blind.  This man was born blind so that God's power could be shown in him."

"He's blind to show what God can do."
"Blessed are the meek," Jesus explained.  
Blessed are the available.  Blessed are the conduits, the tunnels, the tools.  Deliriously joyful are the ones who believe that if God has used sticks, rocks, and spit to do his will, then he can use us.

So that is where I rest tonight.
Content that you don't see what I see.
Instead you will see mere minutes or hours of God showing what he can do through a little boy who manages to navigate the obstacle course that his heavenly Father has laid before him.
  It's his own little workout that he executes effortlessly!

I will fall asleep thanking God that He will see us through...
smiling with delirious joy as He whispers to me...
"but you don't see what I see!"


  1. Beautifully said. Your boy is PERFECT! Loved reading your post.

  2. Sara, I love that you get angry. Because it means that you will always fight for him, always do what is best for him, always be his best advocate. You are exactly what he needs! I have been meaning to email you about your school decision next year. Let's talk soon!

  3. I apologize for asking this... would you change my blog feed on your sidebar. I think you just need to delete and re-enter the address. Things got messed up when I redesigned it.